Let's start in the very beginning, a very good place to start

I don't know how long I was starting to become mentally ill, but I do remember the moment that I consider the point I fell off the edge, per se.
I had a really good job working in The Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston as an Administrative Assistant for a GI MD that was a really nice guy considering he was the #1 practicing physician in the world in his specialty, people flew from Asia, Europe and Middle East to see him. I had started the job as a temp agency employee, having temped for a colleague of his who was the #1 research MD in the world in the same specialty. I had done a good enough job for the 1st MD that I was referred to the 2nd for trial before hiring. After giving me a test run for 3 weeks, might have been  only 2, I was offered the job permanently and I was taking over the position held by a woman named Cheryl who trained me those 2 weeks or so before she moved onto her new position. I was the only Administrative Assistant that had only 1 doctor to work for, the women that made up the rest of the office had 4 or more MD's each to work with.
I did a good job and I had my issues with being late sometimes always under 5 minutes, but late is late so I cannot argue with the policy. The really frustrating thing that evolved in my job was the woman before had just stuffed referrals, Dr notes, test results, etc... that should be included in the patient record in drawers and filing cabinets in the work area. It was very frustrating and it became known that there were medical records not being filed from the previous employee, we are talking records from May up to right before I started in late October. I was busy enough and not wanting to rock the boat I tried catching up and only once handed a pile over to another employee who said she was bored and looking for something to do, which resulted in my manager racing into my cubicle asking why she was doing that. I reminded her that she constantly told me if I needed help to ask for it, so when the co-worker offered I gave her some of the files I was finding stuffed everywhere in my work area. I think Cheryl knew that her activities, or lack thereof was coming to light and told her that she felt I was not keeping up with the job. I was so busy trying to make sense of finding files bundled with rubber bands I did let some files sit in my cubicle that were a month or so old. By February I was throwing up everyday before work, I was really depressed and by early March I was actually shaking, my hands, my legs if I did not plant my feet square on the floor. I remember it was a Friday at the end of shift and I was going to file some patient records and my vision went black. I always remember a feeling of a 'snap', a fat rubber band being stretched and all of a sudden a quick release. I stood in place, I could hear people, everything but I could not see anything, and than after whatever amount of time after a blink it was all back. I went home, hugged my dog and other than letting him out and walking the length of a few houses so he could take care of business I never left the apartment. That was March 8th, 2002.
I called into work sick the following Monday and Tuesday, I had been in a smoke cessation program through MGH and went to the offices to tell them I was feeling depressed, something was not right and a Dr wrote a letter stating I was not to return to work until this mental illness/depression/hopelessness was resolved.
My work got the letter and it was pretty straight forward I was not returning until further notice.
OK, enough of that, I had a job and I started having some mental issues. What I want this blog to show is what happened after March 8th, 2002. How I sought care, how mentally ill patients and members of society go through the system.
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I called my parents, told them something was wrong and I could not put a finger on it. It is a grey time memory-wise, somehow I was evaluated and put in drug trials for my depression and sense of fear I always felt. I think I was on 12 different drugs in different combination and strengths and forms of administration.
That's enough for now, I'll write about the rest tommorow or the next day. It's 1:44 AM.